towards love

uda lama love is such a silly matter for me. and i do take it for granted.

i have been in this relationship for 2 years, and suddenly everything feels so numb. I am wondering ini tu because of what, who or when did it start. it just happened. we did not fight, or argued. i called it discussion. but, everything seems so down and unreliable anymore. kemana sih smua kepercayaan yang biasa kita ada? kenapa skrg our love is so fragile?

future is another story. aku ga bisa ngeliat future yang kita ada, tpi itu mungkin hanya aku, dan overtime it will just solve by itself. tapi smuanya itu sakit, and i cant feel it anymore. aneh.

Blurry, aku bener2 unclear. sebenernya apa si yang masi kita punya? atau emang sebenernya kita uda ga punya apapa. cuman hanya a matter of habit and we cant let go? mungkin itu lebih ke aku si..tp im pretty sure there is still something between us. 2 years is not a short moment, and i do treasure it. However, sometimes i am just a silly person, i cant have enough courage to fight for it, and still talking about stand up for love.

on the other hand, love is not everything. love does not feed us and i do realise it more than anything. but love that makes us stay this long, and also love that makes us this far...love will fade away one day, i am sure, but we just cant say so, soalnya ga ada yang abadi di dunia ini. by the time the love fades away, we already have something else to fight for, and it is just a cycle of life.

it is hard, damn hard, and hurt..cycle of life is something that inevitable, but somehow, i dont want to face it. and just want to stay like this. am i too selfish? or does anyone think the same way as me?

all these questions wont find the answer..but i hope, someday, i wont need to ask these questions anymore..since i simply do not need the answer anymore and the answers are just not there...

one thing i am sure about life is, it is sucks, but it still goes on.

bibit, pohon dan buah

hari ini aku realise sesuatu tentang hidup. Hidup itu susah. Mungkin smua orang juga uda tau tentang kalimat itu, tp hari ini aku baru sadar arti dr kalimat itu.

bibit...ketika aku masi kecil, aku hanya tau meminta dan bertanya...aku hanya mengira hidup itu indah, keluarga itu bahagia, teman itu segalanya...dan melihat bahwa pohon itu lebih kokoh dan teduh...sepertinya pohon pasti bertahan hidup, dan tau ke mana tujuanya...

pohon...sekarang aku adalah pohon..yang aku kira kokoh dan teduh...ternyata, aku hanya pohon...pohon itu indah, tapi hanya sebatas itu..karena keindahan bukanlah segalanya...pohon harus menentukan, bagaimana untuk bertahan kuat? bagaimana untuk teduh dan selalu berbuah baik? angin menghalau...tapi angin tak selalunya jahat...mereka sering membantumu berbuah..kamu tau itu..tpi ada saatnya, dimana angin tidaklah berisik..karena pohon yang harus berjuang sendiri...

aku hanyalah pohon...yang berjuang demi hidup...dan ketika itu, aku mulai berpikir untuk kembali ke masa bibit..

buah...hasil yang kudapat...aku hanya berharap, buah baik akan datang, juangku takkan sia...